Most parents have totally lost the power to regulate their emotions, as they take them out on their children via yelling. This mode of correction raises unhappy kids who resist parents’ guidance.
Strict parents yell at kids in the public, yell in the car, yell in the house, and sometimes close the windows so the neighbors won’t hear.
Not minding the parent’s personality or our personal child-rearing belief, the truth remains that, yelling is arguably, one of the ways parent mentally hurt their kids; it screws up their lives and haunt them mentally.
Children misbehave when they feel discouraged or powerless. When you use discipline methods that overpower them or make them feel bad about themselves, you lower their self-esteem,” says Kathryn J. Kvols, author of ‘Redirecting Children’s Behavior.‘
According to Capt Tom Bunn, who pinpointed the findings made by Stephen Porges; the signals humans send and receive unconsciously have a massive effect on emotions.
The author of “SOAR: The Breakthrough Treatment for Fear of Flying,” also emphasized on the need for parents to interact with their kids in an empathic, non-critical and non-judgmental.
This he said would help the parent become a built-in calming influence.
Yelling at your child isn’t really effective as you may think; there are so many powerful strategies to be employed to help influence your child and raise for yourself a cooperating child you ever wanted.
Why don’t you focus on rewarding positive behaviors rather than punishing your kids for the inappropriate ones?
You will undoubtedly have no reason to pick on yelling at you kids, if you would create a loving environment with consistent praise and rewards for the things they do right.
Read also : 4 Things You Should Never Tell Your Kids
Perri Klass, M.D., coauthor of ‘Quirky Kids: Understanding and Helping Your Child Who Doesn’t Fit In,’ said:
Discipline strategies should be age-related. You can’t “spoil” a 3-month-old by picking him up when he cries. Infants need to know that their caregivers are responsive to their needs and wants and that hunger, discomfort and, yes, even loneliness will be addressed.
Personally, I think shouting can be healthy (in some, not all cases) in that it is a genuine, human expression of emotion, and I think that it isn’t necessarily harmful to children if they experience it on occasion. But if they are subjected to it on a regular basis, or, more importantly, if the words are hurtful, threatening, or designed to humiliate, and if there is no apology or clarification once things cool down, then of course this crosses the line from a healthy expression of anger to emotional abuse.
Yelling (when it conveys positive information) makes sense in rare circumstance, but not as worthy as being a yell-free parent. Your kids may in-turn be unable to understand the content of your message, they can as well pick on negative behaviors such as sneaking and manipulating to avoid being yelled at. Because, every child is predisposed with different temperaments and level of sensitivity.
Study says the most powerful way to influence children is by modelling the sort of behavior you want to see in them. By yelling, you are inadvertently conveying a negative belief into your child, that, yelling is an appropriate way to get others do what we want.
Read also: 4 Ways Parents Mentally Hurt Their Kids
References:
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CDC: Essentials for Parenting Toddlers and Preschoolers. “Use of Rewards.”
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Martha Straus. “Connecting with Traumatized Kids Who Push Your Buttons.” Psychotherapy Networker Magazine.
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Hoffman, Martin. “Moral Development.” In Carmichael’s Manual of Child Psychology, 3rd ed., vol. 2, Paul H. Mussen. New York: Wiley, 1970b. 285-6.
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pbs.org: Setting Limits: Helping Children Learn Self-Regulation.
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Sears, Robert R., Eleanor E. Maccoby, and Harry Levin. Patterns of Child Rearing. Evanston, IL: Row, Peterson, 1957.
When my kids were school-age, my husband yelled at them (and me) constantly. Eventually, his yelling went in one ear, and out the other. We were all just, “there goes Dad again,” without really hearing what he was trying to say. I had a more laid back approach. I picked my battles and usually tried listening to their point of view and reasoning with them. Of course, like any parent, I occasionally lost my temper. This was rare and the kids knew it. They realized that when Mom yelled, they’d really messed up and they took me seriously.